They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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