the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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