I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
