Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
