grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
