THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We are all done wearing pants today
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
