Reggie can tackle my bush.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
