but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
