I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
