bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She even gives head with a lisp.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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