You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
