so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
