If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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