apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
