I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
