I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Randomize
