so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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