she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
