called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
