she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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