So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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