I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
