Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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