I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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