my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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