That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
