If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
