Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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