So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
