The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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