How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
