woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
