I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
