Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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