I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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