I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
