so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
