You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
