i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
