remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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