So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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