My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
