:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
