So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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