I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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