Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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