dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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