I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I enjoy the company of your penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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