Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
