OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
