don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
