The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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