My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
