soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
