theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
