I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it was like eating out sand paper
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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