Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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